Another New Secondary Power: A Giving Spirit
Isaiah O’Connor
a 10 minute read
Today, I am adding the power of 'Giving' to our 'Required Secondary Powers' series. This series delves into the notion that while we each possess a primary skill or 'Power' that we leverage in our business endeavors, achieving maximum success often requires something beyond our primary abilities. Just as superheroes require additional powers to wield their primary abilities effectively, individuals in various fields must cultivate diverse qualities to navigate challenges and achieve lasting success. This concept is further explored in my blog post 'Revisiting Required Secondary Powers.'
Humility and Giving
In my previous post, I touched upon the notion that humility is a key characteristic of being a giver. As I mentioned, being a giver appears to be closely linked to humility. If C.S. Lewis was correct when he stated,
'True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less,'
The connection between humility and giving becomes apparent. To be a giver, one must prioritize the needs of others over their own, a fundamental aspect of humility
Successful Givers
"However, this may seem counterintuitive. A humble giver is often perceived as, and often truly is, a nice guy, echoing the sentiment that 'Nice Guys Finish Last.' So the question arises: is this sentiment true?
Well, the answer is both yes and no. As mentioned in the previous post, Wharton Professor Adam Grant Researched this subject and classified people into three main groups: Operators, Matchers, and Givers."
Operators are the aggressive and selfish types who are solely focused on their success, often at the expense of others.
Matchers are the people who believe in reciprocity, i.e., the "I scratch your back, you scratch mine" mentality.
Finally, there are Givers, who are generous and altruistic individuals.
Interestingly, Givers occupy both ends of the success spectrum. Those who are assertive enough not to be taken advantage of tend to be the most successful, while those who let others walk over them often find themselves at the bottom. I found this in the article "Nice Guys Finish First," which is highly worth the read, and the author also wrote a book on the subject.
Giving as a universal principle
Various sources across different platforms support Grant's findings. While exploring business literature and podcasts, I've repeatedly encountered this underlying principle, albeit not always explicitly referenced. For instance in the book 'Good to Great,' Jim Collins discusses how Level 5 leaders attribute their success to others, demonstrating humility—a trait closely linked to being a giver.
The Go-Giver
Furthermore, some individuals directly address the principle of giving, such as Bob Burg and John David Mann. Together, they authored a series of books centered on this concept, and I've had the privilege of interviewing these remarkable individuals on my O’Connor Bootstrap Podcast. Their first book in the series, 'The Go-Giver,' is essential reading. It's a concise and engaging narrative that serves as a parable for the principles of stratospheric success. I can personally vouch that they follow the principles they advocate, as evidenced by the exceptional treatment I received during my interviews. Despite being a small-time podcaster, Bob was very kind when I asked him to be on my podcast and even sent a thank-you note afterward, demonstrating his commitment to giving. In fact, 'The Go-Giver' is on my list of required reads for anyone working for me.
Five Laws of Stratospheric Success
Typically, at this juncture, I would delve into strategies for developing the skill of giving and conduct extensive research to offer actionable insights. However, Bob Burg and John David Mann have provided such comprehensive guidance in their work that I believe it's best to share their outline of the 'Five Laws of Stratospheric Success' instead:
The Five Laws of Stratospheric Success:
The Law of Value: Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.
The Law of Compensation: Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.
The Law of Influence: Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people’s interests first.
The Law of Authenticity: The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.
The Law of Receptivity: The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.
I also was blessed to have been able to interview both authors. When I spoke with Bob, we focused on "The Go-Giver." I interviewed him on my O’Connor Bootstrap Podcast titled "An interview with Bob Burg." I highly recommend listening to the interview, not for what I have to say but for the amazing wisdom of Bob. When I spoke with John, we focused on writing and being an author.
Pitfalls of a giving spirit
Now, of course, as I mentioned earlier, Givers populate the highest and lowest brackets of that study. Some givers find it easy to be so giving that one of two things, and sometimes, both things happen. First givers may forget the last law, the law of receptivity. They give and give and give, without consideration for their own needs. This comes at the cost of their success, health, and wealth. I did a podcast on this concept, I titled the episode "The Wounded Medic." In a nutshell, If you are a medic who is severely wounded, you are no good to others if you do not allow yourself to be treated. This is a trap that is easy to fall into, and one that should be avoided.
Another challenge faced by givers is the tendency to be perceived as doormats. They may allow others to take advantage of their generosity, often at their own expense. An example can be found in the character George McFly at the beginning of 'Back to the Future.' Although inherently kind, he allows bullies to dominate him throughout his life. However, by the movie's end, he learns to assert himself against them while maintaining his kindness, leading to greater success. While this is a fictional scenario, it effectively underscores the potential pitfalls Givers face in real life.
I have struggled with both negative traits—allowing myself to be taken advantage of at times, and working too hard at others. There have been occasions when I've let others walk all over me. There have also been instances when I've pushed myself to the brink of exhaustion trying to provide for my family. However, I realized that working this hard caused me not to spend time with the very family I was working for, hurting my loved ones more than it helped. My boys need their daddy, and my wife needs her husband—killing myself for them does not help them in the long run.
Learning Assertiveness
There are two types of 'giving nice guys': the assertive and the passive. Assertiveness often leads to success without resorting to unpleasant behavior. Let me illustrate with an incident from today. I was occupied with my seasonal job, unable to perform a balloon-twisting task. Consequently, I hired someone else for the job. Later, when it was time to wrap up, I assisted the worker at the balloon line's closure, a task often met with discontent from parents whose children miss out on balloons. Despite explaining the closure, one parent persisted, attempting to bypass me to request a balloon. Firmly, yet politely, I enforced the closure, maintaining my assertiveness without rudeness. This assertiveness doesn't come naturally to me; I had to learn it over time.
In Conclusion
In conclusion, being a Giver is a significant 'Secondary Power' closely tied to humility, yet it does not necessitate being a doormat. In my next post, I'll delve into the concept of balancing assertiveness with humility and generosity
Questions of the week
What do you think about people who are givers at heart? How have your interactions with them been? Do they come across as weak or strong and kind?
Do you see yourself as a giver, or are you more of a 'Matcher'?
Do you believe you can change from being a Matcher into a Giver?
If you identify as a giver, do you struggle with neglecting your needs and inadvertently becoming a doormat?
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Your Friendly Neighborhood Entrepreneur
Isaiah O’Connor.
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Until next time, I have been,
Your Friendly Neighborhood Entrepreneur,
Isaiah O’Connor
